Dumb Criminals

It never seems to fail — where there’s a twinge of desperation, a nearby Walmart, and just enough faith in a reckless gamble to go over the wall, the derelict sideshow and dumb circus is there. Apparently, one man from New York does not intend to change that.

Having a license plate that reads “ZOMBIE” may not make people think that you’re going to eat their brains or other parts of their various anatomy. It will stick in their minds in another way.

If you own a replica of The A-Team van and happen to be, you know, sane, it does not mean you are an innate badass like B.A. Baracus. Nor does it give you licenses to ram said imitation vehicle into a cop car when the po-po pulls you over for a moving violation. However, if you are a bit of a whack job, you may think the opposite is true.

Sometimes you just stumble into the wrong house after a night of drinking — but you don’t usually miss the house by 20 miles.

It’s funny, we always wondered just what went on inside the depths of the conductor’s booth of a train or subway. We always pictured it being a place of purpose, a place where a conductor could sit and watch the tracks and ensure the safety of the passengers.

Last weekend, police in Florida arrested Bradley Pope after he claimed to be a “covert CIA agent”who had just killed off 100 beers.

Douchebags of yesteryear had it easy — If he hit on some random hot model on a plane in a semi-drunken stupor, she may think him a douche and turn him down but once the big hunk of metal lands, he’s in the clear.

Put down the Rocky Mountain Oysters for a moment, because you don’t want to be eating when you find out what this North Carolina woman was arrested for doing to a (now former) friend of hers. You may also want to think twice about picking those “oysters” back up afterwards.

A model has been arrested after returning $200K worth of jewelry belonging to Axl Rose. The theft happened last night during a private party following the band’s show in Paris. It’s not clear if the Guns N’ Roses frontman was wearing the gold and diamond necklaces at the time. The woman was too drunk to remember.

In the fairy tale ‘Hansel and Gretel,’ the brother-and-sister pair leave a trail of breadcrumbs behind to help them retrace their steps back home. But apparently some California thieves weren’t familiar with the story — it was their own trail of food-related evidence that helped police find them.

Two teenage girls were charged for stealing $168 from a nine-year-old Girl Scout outside a Winn Dixie supermarket in Lake Worth, FL. And if stealing from a kid wasn’t heartless enough, the teens showed no remorse for their actions! Even though this incident happened back in 2008, a raw interview of the culprits has gone viral after being posted on Reddit recently.

Shakespeare once posed the question, “What’s in a name?” Apparently, your name can say a lot about you. Take, for example, Milwaukee, WI police officer Michael Vagnini whose badge was recently taken from him for conducting illegal body cavity searches on detainees. Coincidence, or inevitability?