funeral

A Texas church is being accused of refusing the final wish of a 93-year-old member because she didn't attend church or pay tithes the last two years of her life.

Some are calling it a miracle while others say it may have just been a medical mistake -- a three-year-old Filipino girl woke up at her own funeral.

Funerals are like those Lifetime movie marathons our women watch -- we hate them so much that a sturdy kick in the balls would be better than sitting through one. Unless of course said funeral is amped up with a couple of funeral strippers, in which case, awesome. Other than that, what else could possibly make such a depressing and sappy crap fest more bearable? How about not actually being dead?

Funerals suck. We don’t like to get into that sappy crap. Unless of course said funeral involves half-naked women, because half-naked women make any situation a thousand times better. Well folks, our twisted dreams have come true. Over in Taiwan, they have this whole honoring the dead thing down pat...

The dearly departed is supposed to be the star of the show when you go to a funeral, so common sense dictates you keep quiet and not do anything to stand out.