Liquid Death’s Cursed Canned Water Makes You a Demon Magnet

Remember Liquid Death, the canned mountain water company we told you about back in the spring? They're love rock and metal fans and, just in time for October and the Halloween season, they've got a whole batch of water that has been officially cursed by a real witch doctor.

This "Certified Cursed" stock is exclusive to October and promises to transform you into a "magnet for demons." So, if you didn't figure out your Halloween costume yet, there you go — you can be a demon magnet. You don't even need to buy a physical costume, just drink a can of Liquid Death and fill yourself with unholy spirits. Just a heads up, you might want to be wary of the dude in the priest costume at the party you're going to.

In the video below, Mystic Dylan (we looked him up — dude is a legit witch doctor) scribbles some sigils on the floor and performs the ritual, levying the powerful curse upon the unsuspecting batch of mountain water. Yeah, yeah, Fiji might be "Earth's finest water," but if it won't actually lead to genuine demonic possession. What has their water actually done for you lately?

We know you're probably wondering, "Demonic possession sounds like a blast, but I've got shit to do. Am I cursed forever?" Fortunately, you aren't. Liquid Death sells a spell for just $0.99 that undoes everything... until you drink another can of cursed water. It's demon season as the video says — you're thirsty, they're hungry. It all works out, so be the vessel for possession you always knew you could be. It's way easier than buying a Ouija board and, besides, what the Hell does Hasbro even know about demons? They're a pain —you've got to bury that thing in the desert or something to rid yourself of its evils, which leads to being thirsty, so then you're drinking Liquid Death anyway. Cut out the middle man, huh?

For more on Liquid Death, head here.

Liquid Death "Certified Cursed"

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