The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
Here is Why I Can’t Wait To Stop Trimming My Nose Hairs [Half a Man]
It was, by far, the largest clump of nose hair thine eyes had seen in the flesh. A county fair worthy thatch of hair protruding out the left nostril, like weeds who had found a small sidewalk crack out of which to flourish. It was mesmerizing, snow white, and honestly I couldn't stop since he boarded the train.
Sam Gordon, 9-Year-Old Female Football Phenom, Invited to Super Bowl
Remember Sam Gordon, the 9-year-old female version of Tecmo Bo Jackson? So does NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Her Pee Wee football highlight reel and gaudy season stats got the attention of NFL executives. She was invited to the Super Bowl in New Orleans after hanging out with Goodell at a Giants game.
Guy Builds Limo of Junk Parts Worth $1M
If you collect enough junk, and add up the value, it will eventually be worth something -- especially if you attach all that crap to a limo.
Watch This Intense Giraffe Fight and Never Make Fun of Giraffe Again Because They Would OWN You
In this teaser for Discovery channel's upcoming documentary series Africa — which premieres January 8th — two giraffe go absolutely bonkers on one another.
Stainless Steel Paper Clip is So For Money and It Doesn’t Even Know It
Back before we were pulling in mad cash for writing this blog, several of the writers and editors used common office supplies for other purposes. We used bulldog clips during office S&M sessions, scrap paper as kindling to heat the office and paper clips to hold our dollar bills together.
Man Drives Same Rolls-Royce For 78 Years
You can't take it with you. Isn't that the expression people always use when they want your stuff after you drop dead? Mr. Allen Swift knew he couldn't take his 1928 Rolls-Royce Piccadilly P1 Roadster with him to the afterlife, but he made sure it was well taken care of after they tossed him into the ground.
Pockets Are For Squares — Carry Cash in the Cash Capsule
Wallets are for granddad and kids with a Velcro obsession. Real men use money clips or just fold their dough into their front pants pocket. These are the normal, yet not always safe, options.
Watch This Clearly Insane Fella Smash Another Driver’s Windshield With His Fist
This video might be good reason for everyone to get a dashboard cam.
Watch This BMW Execute the Worst Parking Job Ever
We'll admit that parking spots are getting smaller in most parking lots but this driver is parking her BMW like she's trying to fit a submarine into a kid's pool.
‘Greek Elvis’ Left Rare Lamborghini In a Hotel Parking Lot For Thirty Years
It must be nice to be so filthy rich that a gifted Lamborghini Miura S can just rot in a parking garage for thirty years and, eh, no big deal. It must also be cool to be 'Greek Elvis' but let's focus on the car.
Who’s the Hot Girl in the Samsung Galaxy ‘Work Trip’ Commercial?
We've all seen the commercial and imagined what's on that video. Is she solo? Is she with another hot mom? Is she with his best friend? Wow, that would be a crappy way to break the news. What else we've always wondered is "who's that hot mom...
1.21 Gigawhat? Delorean Taxis Hit New York
Roads? Where we're going we don't needs roads. We aren't going anywhere in these New York taxis that look like Deloreans from the Back to the Future movies.