Dumb Criminals

A bank robber in London foiled his own robbery by handing the teller his own gun. The unidentified man entered the bank last October with a pair of sunglasses and a flat cap covering his head. He demanded 700,000 pounds from the teller while brandishing a firearm ...

Note to self: if you must counterfeit money, at least dummy-up bills that actually exist. That’s a memo 53-year-old Michael Anthony Fuller from Lexington, North Carolina apparently missed. Back in November, he walked into a local Walmart, picked up $476 in merchandise, and tried to pay for it with a fake million-dollar bill.

In Steamboat, Colorado last Sunday, three people caused a commotion by riding their horses into local businesses. We’ve heard that cowboys and their horses are inseparable, but this is plain ridiculous.

In what can be described as a seasonal “crime of fashion,” five female students at Monmouth College in Illinois were arrested after stealing statues of Mary, Joseph, the Baby Jesus and several stable animals from a nativity scene in their town’s square and dumping them on the lawn of their college’s president. It’s a Christmas miracle — that they didn’t get expelled.

Adam Wheeler, a former Harvard student kicked out of the university for false statements on his admissions application, has been sent to jail for including the school on his resume when applying for a job. For violating this condition of his probation, he now faces a possible two-year sentence.

After betting his friends $100 that he could fit in a kiddie swing at a playground, a 21-year-old Vallejo, CA man lubed himself up with liquid laundry detergent and jammed through the swing’s two small leg holes.

Looks like we have a brand new candidate for dumbest criminal ever. Patrick Johnson robbed two banks in the Ocala, FL area in one day. The thief had the presence of mind to change his wardrobe  between his crimes, but his method of sticking up the banks — a note stating he had a gun — was the same both times.

Josephine Smith wasn’t kidding when she approached 69-year-old Milton Ellis Wednesday night in the parking lot of a shuttered St. Petersburg, Florida Hooters and declared “I’m a vampire, I am going to eat you.”

A man dressed as Gumby made such a horrible attempt at robbing a 7-11 store that the clerk thought it was all a joke. The assailant told the clerk he was being robbed then fumbled inside his costume as if he was going to pull out a gun. He ended up dropping 27 cents on the floor and being told by the man behind the counter “not to waste his time.”

After abandoning his car in the middle of a busy interstate, Cicero, Indiana man Bryon Womack stripped down to his shorts and shoes began marching along the side of the highway while swinging a 35-inch samurai sword ”up and down in rhythm with his marching cadence.” Well, it didn’t take long for the police to get involved, and after a brief struggle in which Womack tried to jump in another vehicle

Leah Gibbs was so impressed with Adam Minton’s Facebook profile that she agreed to go on a date with the man she knew just through the social networking site. The 23-year-old Australian woman probably realized this wasn’t going to be a traditional date when Minton kicked it off by asking her to drive him to a betting parlor and then wait in the car while he presumably made a wager.

Yup, those really were snakes in Eric Fiegel’s pocket. Security cameras at Mesa, Arizona’s Predators Reptile Center caught the 22-year-old stuffing five $800 baby sharp albino boa constrictors into his shorts, and then leaving the premises.